I used to blame myself why I was abused,
It must of been me something I did or something I said
Anxiety was on repeat inside my head
I would sit and ponder on all that was wrong
That was two years of my life!! Wasted now gone
Even after abuse the pain still lingers
Some people think its as easy as clicking your fingers
They don’t realise the mental state it leaves us in
The rubbish they fill you with, your brains like a bin
I’m not good enough, I’m a horrible person,
The flashbacks the nightmares, the sweats, and all from one person!!
How many times do I need to go through this lesson!!
The shakes, the fear the not wanting to go out the door,
I was hurt and broken lying on the floor
I would cry and cry and scream inside and still I felt like I wasn’t heard,
The more I said no, the more he would plead, guilt trip and berate me until I couldn’t take no more!! before I knew it he had took the lead,
It took me years to discover that this was rape!!
I would be hurting inside but as numb as ice, while he would just take and take!!
Why should I be the one in all the pain
And then be labelled as insane
While he walks away guilt free
Coz he has no conscience you see!!
He doesn’t care what he done, he just denies and denies until he believes his own lies
No one listened to my cries
For he had convinced them that it was all lies
The one thing I needed was to be believed
No one did or still does they don’t see the evil behind the mask
Two sides to a story!! So why don’t they ask!!
My favourite lines I heard were get over it, it’s over!! If it was that bad why did you stay!!
Manipulation tricks your mind, it creeps in slowly and takes over, you blame yourself and you stay quiet,
This is how they always win, showing everyone else their fake grin
So that when you finally speak up, you are the one that takes it on the chin
Coz while your quiet their plotting their plan, telling any woman or man,
How crazy you are and how you always raise the bar!!
Out of the darkness and into light,
When the fog starts to go you see things in a whole new light,
Thats when you know it was worth the fight,
I felt a flicker of magic deep within
As I changed my thoughts I just knew that something good was about to begin
I could finally see my way through the dark,
And envision myself without all the lack,
After all the searching I realised I had my own back!!