Forever 21!!

I recently realised that although I have come a long away since my abuse, I was still carrying it in someway, its hard to explain as I thought I had healed, but I realised that I was still living in the past I couldn’t allow myself to be happy I was constantly thinking about what could go wrong instead of thinking of what could go right, I can’t remember the last time I was just happy and grateful that I made it through, I’m here to tell my story, I’m here to live another day. I am fed up feeling anxious about my future and upset over my past, its time to let that bullshit go and just live in the present and put my energy into me, to be the person I know I can be.

I think I found it hard as the narcissist always kept me down and never allowed me to grow up, I wasn’t allowed independence or to have an opinion on the things that mattered to me most, now is the time for me to grow up I take full responsibility for my past it was me who put me in this situation and it was me who got me out of it, now it’s time to forget it, he has no hold over me anymore or control all he can do is lie and manipulate, and I can keep spreading my truth or I can just let it go and be grateful that I’m nothing like him. They say the abused become the abuser that is not true, it is a choice that we all have it can either make us bitter or make us better, I choose to be better!!



This is for everyone especially those who haven’t been abused!!! All we want is someone to listen we want our story to be heard!!.

The next time your sitting with a friend, family member or Co worker and they start talking about their experience, please just listen!! We don’t need to hear I’m so sorry or just get over it or why didn’t u leave or why did u stay or ohh here we go again, JUST LISTEN!!

We don’t need to feel worse about ourselves than we already do, we need to feel heard we need to get it off our chest clear our mind so we can start to heal!!

Yes the stories will sound mental, confusing and just outrageous but narcissists are from ordinary, yes they may seem like nice people who will do anything you ask, but what you don’t see is what happens behind closed doors, how they make their partner or kids feel when they go home and they doors are shut!!

A narcissist will talk about their ex as if they are the victim but this is usually just insults like they are stupid, they are crazy, they don’t wash or crap like that just to degrade their ex.

A real victim will go into depths about what happened how they felt and probably at the same time try and protect their abuser due to the fear that the abuser had installed over time.


Removing trauma

You can’t move on while your mind stays stuck. Everytime we think about a traumatic event it’s like living it again, it creates the same effect in the brain as if it’s happening again. Thats why getting over narcissistic abuse is so hard, because they leave us thinking over the events, words they said and their awful stare that they leave you with.

You end up researching them constantly so as you can figure them out figure out their game!!! I did this for years but in reality all I had to do was stop playing!! When I started concentrating on myself and wondering why did I allow this person to treat me that way!! I realised I had no boundaries, he had stripped them away because I had put myself second to his needs, I thought I could fix him, help him heal when in effect the only person that could help him was himself and the one person that i needed was putting more effort into fixing him, that is how we lose our selves, self esteem, confidence and boundaries. A wise man once said that we can only find ourselves once we have been lost!! 😁

21 day challenge

After more searching and gaining more knowledge Ive set myself a challenge for 21 days. I’m going to change my mindset although I had healed from the abuse I was still thinking about the trauma.

Step 1. Be grateful for what I have (stop the negative thoughts that creep in ) example I hate this job, going to replace it with I’m grateful for this job. Etc

Step 2, change who I am, this sounds hard but just making small changes can have a big impact.

Step 3, stop smoking which is the one bad habit that I haven’t been able to kick, when I stop smoking I know I will improve my health and be better off financially.

Here goes the start of my challenge!!

I have loads to be grateful for things that I was taking for granted. I read that by being grateful for what we have opens doors to our consciousness ones that we never saw before.

It’s time to see if this works !! 😁




Do you remember being young and watching the Disney movies and believed that magic was real!! When our dreams felt so real as if they were happening. When you would make wishes using the wish bone out of the chicken? What happened to the magic!!!

It is still there it just gets buried under all the pressure of growing up and paying bills.

Most of the people I know are unhappy in life, whether thats a job or relationship or house but they choose to stay because they are comfortable, people get to comfy and often live life due to habits that they have created and after a while they fear change, people forget that they can change, move on and do different things, why settle for a life you don’t want, we only get one life!! Make it count!! Take back your magic and believe that anything is possible!! 😁

Staying present!!

It’s putting the past behind you and using it to step forward into your future, it’s realising that past experiences don’t define who you are!!

You can be the change you want to see in the world as long as your actions Match your words.

It’s to stop the negative thoughts as they come into your mind and replace them with positive ones.  Have a vision of where you want you to be and who you want to be and then make the changes to become that person as you do that the darkness will fall behind you!!

Your past was just a lesson not a life sentence, people do change you don’t have to remain stuck in the midst of the pain.  You don’t have to let negative people ruin your thoughts, don’t take on their opinions or words just stay true to yourself and focus on your vision and goal. You deserve to be happy 😊

You can be anyone you choose to be, if you can see it and feel it inside yourself you have the power to make it happen.



A wee poem

I used to blame myself why I was abused,

It must of been me something I did or something I said

Anxiety was on repeat inside my head

I would sit and ponder on all that was wrong

That was two years of my life!! Wasted now gone

Even after abuse the pain still lingers

Some people think its as easy as clicking your fingers

They don’t realise the mental state it leaves us in

The rubbish they fill you with, your brains like a bin

I’m not good enough, I’m a horrible person,

The flashbacks the nightmares, the sweats, and all from one person!!

How many times do I need to go through this lesson!!

The shakes, the fear the not wanting to go out the door,

I was hurt and broken lying on the floor

I would cry and cry and scream inside and still I felt like I wasn’t heard,

The more I said no, the more he would plead, guilt trip and berate me until I couldn’t take no more!! before I knew it he had took the lead,

It took me years to discover that this was rape!!

I would be hurting inside but as numb as ice, while he would just take and take!!

Why should I be the one in all the pain

And then be labelled as insane

While he walks away guilt free

Coz he has no conscience you see!!

He doesn’t care what he done, he just denies and denies until he believes his own lies

No one listened to my cries

For he had convinced them that it was all lies

The one thing I needed was to be believed

No one did or still does they don’t see the evil behind the mask

Two sides to a story!! So why don’t they ask!!

My favourite lines I heard were get over it, it’s over!! If it was that bad why did you stay!!

Manipulation tricks your mind, it creeps in slowly and takes over, you blame yourself and you stay quiet,

This is how they always win, showing everyone else their fake grin

So that when you finally speak up, you are the one that takes it on the chin

Coz while your quiet their plotting their plan, telling any woman or man,

How crazy you are and how you always raise the bar!!

Out of the darkness and into light,

When the fog starts to go you see things in a whole new light,

Thats when you know it was worth the fight,

I felt a flicker of magic deep within

As I changed my thoughts I just knew that something good was about to begin

I could finally see my way through the dark,

And envision myself without all the lack,

After all the searching I realised I had my own back!!









I’m a


I wake up with a vision in my mind of who I will become, I feel happy enspired and ready to take on the day. Then I go to work, I don’t know why but I lose that vision of myself by the time I finish work I feel low and depressed.

What happened to the visions I had that morning what happened to that happy place I found.

I have figured out I work with people who are depressed and none of them are happy in their job (even me) but when people arent happy they tend to bring others down to their level.

I’m going to try and stay in that positive place today no matter what happens or what they say.

Today is a new day and I choose to be happy!! 😁

The unconscious mind

Everything we see outside of ourselves is coming from our unconscious mind, if we can clear our subconscious from the mental blocks that we have created either by us or from others, we can experience a whole new world. This can be achieved by opening your mind and asking yourself questions.

A lot of people say they can’t lose weight? So question it, why can’t I lose weight? Who told me that I couldn’t ? Or who told me that I am fat?  Figuring out where the belief came from is the first step. The second step is letting it go because the thought is probably not yours, it could be society, partner, parents, when you let it go replace the thought with a positive thought even if the positive thought is change. We as humans are our own worst enemy we forever fill others up with love and genorisity and yet we beat ourselves up and call ourselves names.we need to start giving ourselves similar advice that we give our friends.

If you tell someone their stupid for long enough they will start to believe it, it’s the same with our minds, be repetitive in what you tell yourself until you really believe it repetition is the key, the more the brain hears positive thoughts the more positive you will become.

This really can change your life!!

Comfort zone!!

While healing the one thing that I continued to hear was”life begins outside of your comfort zone” I always thought that meant that I had to do something drastic and so life changing but that isn’t true, I didn’t have to go running or do something outrageous all I had to was break up my routine, instead of sitting watching television in the morning, go on the exercise bike or do something positive that will bring u closer to your goals, do something positive for YOU!  not for any other reason other than you will feel better once you’ve achieved it.

You don’t have to see the plan to move forward, we just need to keep moving!! Our lives will change when we change and will remain stuck if we don’t do anything different!! 😁